The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
