We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm too high and old for this...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
