Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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