you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
