Whod you bang
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
