I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
