its not stalking. its research.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
