my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
