You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
