Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
