My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
