Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Come on in and take your pants off
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