i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
