I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize