You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize