Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
