My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is it because I queefed?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
