It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
