I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
