I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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