Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
