You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
