The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
