The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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