I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
