It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't turn off my feet"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
