You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
