I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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