I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The Olympian is in my bed
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
