Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize