So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
wat bout pragnant strippers??
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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