# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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