I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
