Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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