She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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