is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
