I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just invented taco cereal.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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