thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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