He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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