no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
