so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she looked like the before picture.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
sex in a hospital.. check
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
