Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
