I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
