he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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