I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize