sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So squirting runs in the family.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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