I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.