he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
handjob tips. give me some.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep