I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..