Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
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that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle