New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.