:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?