is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
