I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He felt like a one man threesome
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
