so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
