cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
