Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
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I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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