Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Floor bacon is actually really good
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
