What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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