My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
