I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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