I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
