I hate your face
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
