you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
