No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
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No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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