You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
