ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Someone signed my nipple.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
