I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
