she woke up with a sticky ear
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
